


A mystery

by KingsOnThrones



Series: Sleep deprivated fanfic's that make no sense whatsoever [16]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Evil Bucky Barnes, Evil Loki (Marvel), M/M, POV Sam Wilson, POV Third Person, it's really not at all dark really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingsOnThrones/pseuds/KingsOnThrones
Summary: Sam just wanted it out there, he had no idea how this had even started and that he was 100% against it.AKA James and Loki are the two sharply dressed annoying Supervillains who hang out with the Superheroes at the Avengers Tower. No one knows what they’re even doing here, why they’re here or when they first showed up. No one dares to kick them out either. Also, how didn’t they know James and Loki were fucking married???
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Loki
Series: Sleep deprivated fanfic's that make no sense whatsoever [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538635
Comments: 9
Kudos: 136





	A mystery

**Author's Note:**

> Ignores basically everything after the Avengers in 2012, though just pretend that Sam and Scott and the rest of the gang that joined later were already a part of the Avengers, because fuck canon. The fic itself is set like around now.

Sam just wanted it out there, he had no idea how this had even started and that he was 100% against it. Who had let these two fuckers in here in the first place? Couldn’t Barnes and Odinson2.0 hang out some place else. What were Supervillains doing at a tower full of Superheroes anyway?

“Hey Birdbrain, that’s a fucking ugly sweater!” Barnes called from the couch he was sitting on.

 _Oh yeah_ , Sam though. _Judging_. _That’s what they do_.

That was genuinely the only thing Barnes and Odinson2.0 did. Judging all day, every day. They sat on the common floor for _hours_ judging and gossiping about everyone who made the mistake of entering the room. All while drinking gallons of black tea or expensive red wines.

They did nothing else, honestly. They didn’t clean, didn’t help avenging, didn’t pay for the food they ate. They didn’t do nothin’.

It also wasn’t like they gave up their jobs as Supervillains either.

Sam had honestly no clue to how this shit happened.

Who was responsible for giving them access to the Tower on their own? Sam would like to kick their ass outta the Tower.

“You’re right James, that jumper is a fashion disaster,” Loki agreed.

Before Sam could respond, the Avengers alarm went off. Because of course Doom decided that now was an OK time to unleash his doom-bot upon New York in another pathetic attempt to take over the world.

And of course, Barnes and Odinson2.0 thought it a good idea to join them in their fight just so they could judge them from sightlines.

“Barton, at least _pretend_ that you’re trying to hit the bots.” Sam heard Odinson2.0 say over their comms.

“Who even gave you two bastards comms?” he asked.

“Who said anything about giving?” Barnes answered.

Everyone was to caught up with Doom to reply.

Doom was overpowered within two hours though, because let’s be honest it was Doom, he was the one fucking bad excuse for a supervillain. Sam didn’t even want to go as far as call Doom a _supervillain_ , ‘a slight inconvenience’ was a better description.

“You know, this is just an idea, I dunno, but maybe you could just, I dunno, help next time you’re in the neighbourhood instead of judging us?” Sam suggested when they were back at the Tower.

Barnes and Odinson2.0 shared a look and then proceeded to laugh in his fucking face. Out fucking loud.

 _Fucking assholes_ , Sam thought.

***

Sam had been lying earlier. There was one more thing Barnes and Odinson2.0 did, they bickered like an old married couple. They bickered about the _stupidest_ shit, like whether a word in the crossword puzzle they were making was right or not.

“No James, I’m certain that Charlemagne was crowned Emperor of the ‘Roman Empire’ in the year 800 by the pope. It was December the 25th if I remember correctly.”

“It really fucking wasn’t.”

“It is! I was there!”

“You weren’t.”

“I was.”

“You weren’t.”

“I was.”

_“You weren’t.”_

_“I was.”_

It had gone on like that for quite some time.

Odinson2.0 had been right though, Charlemagne was indeed crowned ‘Emperor of the Romans’ on December the 25th by the pope. Sam had look it up on Wikipedia.

***

The kid was the only sane person in the Tower, Sam had been _so sure_ until he asked the two Supervillains one day out of the blue if he could do his history/society paper on them. The kid was by far the least sane person, Sam was sure.

Oddly enough they agreed all to happily. Sam would like to point out here he was deeply concerned about this.

The kid had decided that he would base his paper on an interview he would do with Barnes and Odinson2.0.

Sam and the other Avengers were more than willing to be a present at the interview so they would be able to finally enlarge the amount of information they had on Barnes and Odinson2.0. Sam knew next to nothing about them, safe for that Odinson2.0 was Thor’s brother, sort of. And Barnes had been Cap’s best friend once upon a time – Sam liked to think he held that position now – and that they were fucking supervillains of course.

When the kid asked why everyone showed up to an interview meant for Barnes and Odinson2.0, they told him it was to protect him, the Supervillains were seemingly offended of being accused of hurting children. Sam couldn’t give less of a fuck.

The kid started his interview with some easy questions like ‘Where were you born?’ and ‘What was your childhood like?’. But is was Barnes and Odinson2.0 they were talking about, what was Sam thinking ‘easy questions’. He, for one, had had no idea Odinson2.0 wasn’t a native Asgardian.

The more questions the kid asked, the more confused Sam got. He wasn’t the only one.

It reached its hight when the kid asked: “How did you two meet?”

“That must’ve been what? Like 35 years ago?” Barnes looked at Odinson2.0.

Sam nearly fell out of his chair upon hearing that.

“You don’t remember the day we met?” Odinson2.0 gave Barnes a sharp look.

“I remember the day we met perfectly fine. I just don’t remember _which_ day that was. As in, when in history it took place.”

“Proof that you remember.”

Barnes rolled his eyes. “I was on a mission for fucking _HYDRA_ but this idiot God though it was a good day to cause some good old mischief upon earth. So, you stole me from my handlers purely because you’re a little shit and enjoy fucking with people and you thought it would be funny to see their faces when their _precious_ Asset wouldn’t return from his mission. But then you found out I wasn’t such bad company, so you decided to keep me and took me to Asgard giving me one of them Golden Apples o’ yours.”

 _Barnes had gotten a Golden Apple of the Gods?_ Sam thought.

Odinson2.0 eyed Barnes suspiciously. “You do remember on which day our anniversary takes place right?”

Barnes sent him a death glare too. “Of course, I remember our anniversary. What kind of husband would I be if I’d forget that?”

 _Bitch better remember his anniversary,_ Sam thought.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Back the fuck up. _Anniversary?! Husband?!_ Barnes and Odinson2.0 are _married_?!?!?

Sam did actually fall out of his chair when he heard that.

Luckily the others were just as flabbergasted as he was. Even Cap and Odinson1.0 were speechless.

“What, you didn’t know we were married?”

The whole room collectively shook their heads.

“James and I have been married for over thirty years,” Odinson2.0 explained.

“Thirty-one years, seven months, two weeks, five days, two hours and,” Barnes looked at his expensive watch – Sam wasn’t sure if he wanted to know how Barnes could afford shit like that – and did some calculations in his head, “14 minutes, to be precise.

“You remember,” Odinson2.0 sent Barnes a _sickeningly_ cute look.

“How could I forget the best moment of my life, Doll?”

Sam was of the opinion supervillains weren’t allowed to be cute.

***

When the kid came back two weeks later with a 60% for his paper, Barnes and Odinson2.0 were _so_ offended, they decided to pay the teacher a visit.

“The kid wrote a _wonderful_ paper, so ain’t our lives interesting enough, to that fucker?!” Barnes shouted when he saw the grade.

Sam sure as fuck wouldn’t like to be in the shoes of the poor bastard that caught the wrath of Barnes and Odinson2.0.

Though, the kid never had to hand in a paper ever again.

_Perhaps those annoying Supervillains ain’t so bad after all._

“Birdbrain, get you’re head outta your ass we’re talkin’ to ya.”

Sam took his words – or thoughts more accurately – back. These Supervillains were the fucking worst.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit:  
> It seems that I had forgotten to add this work, to these series. But I thought I had, and I haven't found out that I hadn't util now. So, yeah, I added it to the series and I feel like a complete idiot now...


End file.
